It's hard to think about my appearance. Today in one of my classes there was a story told about a girl with and eating disorder. And what did I do? I freaked out, panicked inside..desperate for the story to end. No really, this isn't exaggeration. I tried to plug my ears but I still heard most of this. When it was over I threw on my sunglasses and the teacher came over to me and apologized. This was also my first day of no lunch. So it was just weird... I'm still struggling to gain control of this monster in my head. I'm afraid to talk about it with Him but I need to let it out. It's just like...it seems just when I start to get better, I relapse and it takes over. I want to cry...really bad but it will not come. So what do I do to make myself cry? I think about my last resort...cutting. Idk if I will but the want is strong. So very strong. Just one slice..but one turns into one hundred....
