Song: Alaska by Between The Buried And Me.
Last night and today haven't been good. Ive been...thinking way too much. I guess this is what i get for talking to an ex for the first time in a long time. Its like, i let out everything that has happened since him and throw myself into a jumble..A really really big mix up in my head.
In a way i see this as me growing up. It always seems to happen when i change. I guess its just a sign that I'm changing >< Dur.
Anyway. Im stuck on the fact that i can't seem to figure myself out at all. Its like im stuck in anxiety attack mode. Im so mixed up and emotionless. Yet depressed so i must not be emotionless. I keep trying to just push past it but i can't seem to. And its really hard to. I can't just continue to hurt myself for the rest of my life. Can't continue to punish myself for things i never did.
Every guy ive ever known has hurt me and i think this is whats been bugging me. That everyone hurts me. So in turn i feel its my fault and i should hurt myself. I'm just at loss with everything i guess.
Im at the point where idk what to do with myself but lay in bed and read. ><
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Jumbled mind.
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